To interperate James' deviant machinations, you must first prove your loyalty by following his first command:
Press CTRL-A, to reach a higher plane of enlightenment.
When you check out our site then Sign Our Guest Book, or you're a Bottler!
(If you're planning to spread negative vibes in the guestbook why not have a wank instead.)
Good evening, or is it past midnight already? MWAHAHAHAHAHA ZAMAKA! My name is James, but feel privy to call me any of the following: 'Grand Overlord James', 'Emperor Kazuya', 'Kandy Fuxxx' (that one's just for the ladies), or, if you wish, simply, 'Sir'.
Private Musings of A Very Evil Being
Ha ha ha ha ha. I have surpassed myself with this plot. It is the plot to end all plots, the masterstroke of evil genius, the triumphant harbinger of an everlasting era of human doom, destruction, and despair.
My plan has already been set in motion with the proposal of a new, even more stressful grading system at MIT. My goons are currently threatening to reengineer the MIT bureaucrats if they do not implement this grading system. Student opinion will be disregarded by the administration as usual. Heh heh heh. I have no doubt which grading system will be used next year.
Ha ha ha. I have also arranged for federal funding to MIT to be cut to almost nothing, with the help of my able cohort Tadpole Grinch. MIT will be forced to make dramatic budget cuts.
Now -- ha ha -- ARAMARK's contract is up for review this year, and based on its current popularity, is unlikely to be renewed. I have anticipated this development and have done extensive studies of rats from around the Institute. It turns out that to these rats, no other food can compare to ARAMARK food. When ARAMARK does not return next year, the poor beasts will go insane. Ha ha ha ha ha. I have secretly acquired a large stock of ARAMARK food. As the sole supplier of this rat manna, my every wish will be the rats' command.
So how does this all fit together to form a world's ruin? Ha ha. I have noted that Ben Bitdiddle, the graduate student in charge of the MIT particle accelerator, is a fanatic. He insists on taking 200 units of Course 6 classes every term -- and he must get an A in every single class. The alternative is unthinkable. Unfortunately, poor Ben is not superhuman, and usually has to stretch himself to the limit to get the A's, staying up for months on end and barely coming in above the borderline in many cases.
Therefore, under the new grading system, Ben will get at least one A-. It is inevitable. When the grades come in, he will be exhausted from staying up so many months and won't be thinking very clearly. His fuzzy thinking and his fanaticism will induce him to throw himself into the Charles. Ha ha ha. This unfortunate incident will leave the MIT particle accelerator without adequate supervision.
Before the suicide, my rat slaves will have been preparing for the event by gnawing through the particle accelerator's internal wiring. They will do a lot of damage, but not enough to be noticed by the experimenters using the accelerator, who will think their strange results indicate the presence of a quirk or some other new type of subatomic particle. Routine inspections of the wiring would detect the actual problem, but with the severe budget cuts, MIT will simply not have the money to pay for these inspections. Ha ha ha.
After Ben has diddled his bits, I will have my rats complete the job -- and then I will set my secret agent in motion. Birdbrain Duckworth-Fowler IV is a Harvard student who has harbored a bitter grudge against MIT ever since he was rejected by MIT four years ago. He will be more than happy to get even by following my written instructions with regards to the particle accelerator. He *thinks* he will only be destroying it. But he doesn't know about the rats...
What will actually happen is that the particle accelerator will explode in a blaze of atomic hellfire, ending all life within a twenty-mile radius. Ha ha ha ha ha. Twenty miles will be sufficient to take out the MIT students and faculty, and therefore all of the truly smart people in the world. No human then left alive will have the brainpower to find a counter to my vicious hordes of evil, which shall descent upon the earth like a wolf upon the fold.
I will laugh in glee as human resistance is crushed! I shall chortle with mirth as I torture Sunday school teachers! I shall howl with delight as my reign of terror casts a pall over the planet, commencing the Age of Eternal Darkness!!!
(Long pause)
Only they can stop me.
(Pause)
(Snarling) And I know just what to do about them.
A little etiquette.
Correct responses:
Should one encounter a lady with extraordinarily large breasts, the following should be hollered in an abrasive and derogatory fashion: 'Yer I would!!!" "Whopper Tits!"
Should one encounter a lady with exceptionally long and supple legs: '"Cracker Legs!" "Legs eleven over there!"
Should one encounter a lady who is exceptionally good looking... or indeed is of the shape that one would give a 'poke' (with one's fuckstick) to her, he is to henceforth declare: "Yer I wud!!!" "Oh?! Oh?!" "Ah... would ye?!"
As your future overlord I expect that you will want to know what is in for you:
Article the first:
Women shall be scantily clad, and under punishment of S&M should they violate any laws applicable to them, such as trespassing beyond the homestead and/or kitchen, depending on their assigned relegation.
Article the second:
Buildings shall henceforth be made from obsidian, and be equipped with speakers blaring 'Bela Lugosi's Dead'!!!
Article the third:
Communism, sharing, or indeed any form of kindness, shall not be tolerated; our new society is purely capitalist.
Degeneracy shall be frowned upon, and in extreme
cases stamped upon, sin and debauchery however, shall be encouraged.