A Little About our Stories:

Moe and Anto have done lots of toatally hardcore stuf. Everything you see here, no matter how super cool it may seem, is absolutely true.

How Do You Know The Summer Has Really Started?
-Anto & Moe, Arrested Again

"Sketch!" Moe leaned his fine hirsute head through the window, "Someone's calling The Filth! We've gotta get the fuck out of here!" "Fuck, coming!" Anto shouted back, "Come on Paddy, come on James, we're getting the fuck out of here!"

Anto began to lead the pair down through the deserted dusty maze of an office block, down along the hallway, "Alright, are you two okay to climb over?" Anto asked, shepherding the two towards the wall, it was at this moment that Paddy, for reasons unknown by reams of scientists to this day, decided to deliberate. Taking a right he walked in through a little metal door, "What in the blue fuck is he doing?" Anto asked James, some minutes passed, "What in the blue fuck are you still doing in there?!", Moe's head inquired from the window. "James what the fuck is Paddy doing?" "I'll go and get him James volunteered." A few more minutes elapsed, before James finally emerged with Paddy, "What the fuck were you doing?!" Anto demanded, "Just looking around. Will you pull over the ladder for me?".

Finally getting free of the building the four flew over the wall and down onto the road where they hit the ground running. "Fuck!" Sounded the alarm that two Riot Vans were speeding down the road behind them which soon, despite Anto and Moe's near lightning speed, overtook them and pulled up in front, blocking off the road, six Garda spilled like projectile vomit out of the vehicles (including an unmarked filth-car which they hadn't spotted) and instantly grabbed the fantastic four, gripping Anto's arm and twisting it behind his back, unceremoniously (and, Anto thought, in a rather unnecessarily gruff manner) slamming him against the side of the van so that his head was forced towards the sky. "Don't you think that's a bit unnecessary", an on looking James voiced Anto's thoughts, "Shutthefuckupyou!!!" came the somewhat abrupt reply. Next handcuffs were fastened tightly to the four clearly extremely dangerous criminals, and they were pushed into the back of a filth-wagon, from which Moe was almost immediately extracted again and placed in his very own riot van, as the Filth no doubt sensed that even six fully grown Garda would be helpless to keep Anto and Moe under wraps whilst their proximity to each other was so dangerously high.

A small plastic box with two wooden benches now transported the two teams towards the station, repeatedly sudden breaking (despite the clear road ahead) would send them, hands still kept firmly behind their back, thrown against the reinforced plastic wall of their enclosure, "An ongoing engine problem…" they were informed.

Finally pulling up at Pearce the four were rushed to the main desk. "Guten tag", one of the officers saluted the other, "Deutsch! Ich bin fließend, möglicherweise könnten wir diese Verwirrung heraus in dieser bewundernswerten der Kommunikation sortieren." Moe exclaimed. "Oh, so we have a comedian? Shut up." came the somewhat unfriendly reply.

The Garda continued to have trouble categorizing and describing Mr. Moses. "Facial hair? Bum Fluff." The young lady behind the desk filled out the description for aloud. "What?! This is a goatee!" A short argument followed and their captors eventually agreed that that was indeed the nature of Moes' hirsute structure; however things continued to get heated when Moe felt the need to inform her of the correct spelling of "g-o-a-t-e-e."

Next: "Have you any scars?"
"Yeah. There's one here, this one here, here, here and here. These ones on my back. This one here, that one, here, here and here and here. I probably shouldn't show you the ones on…"
"I'll just write, 'No scars'" She interrupted.

Next the four were made to empty their pockets, leaving the garda with a plastic tray of used tissue paper, lint and bits of electrical tape, "I didn't know I had that, I swear!"

At this point it was getting rather late on and Anto felt the need to point out that he had to be getting home, as his Biology Leaving Certificate exam was on tomorrow morning. "You'll go as soon as your parents come to collect you!"
"Bad Buzz."
"Yes, well, being arrested is a bad buzz."
"I was talking about my parents."

The next thing on the agenda was to sort the four into separate cells, for a rigorous body search. After a short moment of conflict no one was forced to remove their shoe-laces or trouser strings, so long as they all promised not to use them to commit suicide. Shortly thereafter they all had to undergo thorough private searches: Anto had his hair and scalp scrupulously gone through with hard plastic gloved hands for any drugs he might be hiding there. Paddy, the youngest and prettiest of the bunch, had a particularly hard time, his trouser string being cut open, and the Garda in his cell (in which a sign reads: there are no security cameras in operation in this room) spending, he felt, an uncomfortable amount of time meticulously searching his crotch for illegal substances, to the point in fact that the second guard present felt the need to intervene and end the search with, "Hey, that's enough, there's no need for that."

Before they could be released into the world again each member of the terrible group was explained the seriousness of their crime, illegally being present in a large vacant cement courtyard that was worth allot in the property market. Once this had been sufficiently emphasized the Garda explained that they did not have the spare time or recourses to be running around after teenagers (possibly they thought that sending two riot vans full of garda and also an unmarked car containing undercover garda after four young trespassing teenagers might not have properly conveyed this fact) the four were, one by one, let out to go on their own ways. The Garda each patted themselves on the back, proud of a job well done: Anto and Moe were now safe once again, to interact with society.

Our Gaff

It was a sunny summer day, much like any other sunny summer day... perhaps it was a little more sunny, perhaps a little less. I can't remember. Anywhoo, Anto and Moe were walking down the street beside Club Annabelle when Anto spotted that the long grass in the front garden was surprisingly long and looked unusually unkempt. "Moe," He began, "Do you notice that that grass is surprisingly long, and unusually unkempt?". Moe pondered this for some time, carefully inspecting the length of the grass. "Yes." He answered.

Saffie's daddy wrote an article about the whole thing for the Sunday
Independent, unfortunately Saffie 'forgot' to tell Anto and Moe about the photo shoot, so they arn't in the Pic.

It wasn't much later that the fabulous two were in the back garden of the house, were they found the windows were all boarded up, so they went home and never thought about it again... Ha! Sure, that might have been the

response of your average pair of friends, but Moe and Anto were no average pair of friends! Moses produced his trusty screwdriver and made light work of removing the boards, the rest was a doddle and they were soon within the bottom apartment of the house. Anto climbed to the top shelf of a cupboard where the ceiling had fallen away, after kicking up the floor boards and squeezing through the crawl space Anto was in, and Moe followed close behind. Now, the house was truly theirs.

The House comprised of a kitchen, a living room, a destruction room, a lesser bedroom, a bathroom and last but most bodacious of all, a double MacDaddy Suite! Moe rigged up an ingenious system which allowed them to enter and leave the house through the front door as they pleased (no, they didn't just leave it unlocked).

After three days and two nights, during an innocent and enjoyable game of phone book volleyball, Moe spied a strange man peering in the window from the front gate. "Check out that strange man peering in the window from the front gate." He exclaimed. "Don't worry, we have way's of dealing with this sort of thing" Said Anto, promptly closing the shutters, so that the intrusive man didn't worry Moe any more. Ten minutes later Moe took a peek out the window to see if the strange man had gone away. He had, however he had been replaced by a crowed of men who were speedily making their way up to the door. "Shit." Said Moe, and they hastily made their way to the back of the house to make their escape.

However there was yet another obstacle to be tackled when they reached their escape hatch. Saffie, on viewing the crawlspace through which she was expected to escape, decided that her vast bust simply would not squeeze through and so declared that she would stay upstairs and await her fait. Moe and Anto pleaded with her to see sense and at least make an attempt, but Saffie was not to be dissuaded. Exasperated and with precious little time left Moe and Finn climbed down, while Anto, though he was more than capable of slipping through and out into freedom, was simply too chivalrous and could not allow himself to desert Saffie with the strange crowed.

Anto and Saffie approached the front door, The Filth were in the process of knocking it down. It banged and quivered under their immense weight. Suddenly it burst open and the crowed poured in, "What's your name?" one of them demanded. "Why?" Asked the wary Anto. "Oh," Said the demandee, producing a badge, "Donnybrook Police" it was The Filth.

They were led out side and questioned, "Was there any one else in there?" "Um, No." Anto replied.

Meanwhile, Moe had made it down the crawlspace and was awaiting Finn's decent. Finn had considerable difficulty with the task, at one point being suspended by only his neck, however they both made it out of the house, and Moe was on the back wall when a young man mounted it (with obvious difficulty) and seeing Finn struggling to get up said to Moe, "Here, young one [member of the female sex] help her up." Moe was flabbergasted at this remark, "Who are you calling young one?" He wittily retorted. "Don't be cheeky to him, he's a Guard" said a second man appearing behind the first, this one in uniform. "Oh." Said Moe, "Shit."

Moe and Finn were carried off together in an unmarked Garda car. Anto and Saffie, looking like slightly more hardened criminals, were placed in one car each, presumably so they didn't team up to kill the Garda and steal their car. Two Garda cars followed behind, in case of such an attack. The five cars, each containing two or more Garda eventually pulled in to Donnybrook Garda station where the four were escorted to the Big Cheese's office (you could tell he was Numero Uno because of the big bag of Tesco's finest Donuts on his desk). There they were lectured extensively, before being sent home.

Crippling the system!

It must have been about eleven o’clock on Saturday night. Anto and Moe had just played a game of pool in 'The Hideout', one of Dublin’s finer leisure institutions, and were walking back to Saffie’s house with Dreadlock James, when they passed a ‘Burger King’ restaurant. Anto, who had been making his pool game a little more interesting by indulging in a very slight intoxication, was seized with rage at the vile place and stormed in, ordering some chips.

Once he had his chips in hand, he sat at one of the tables near the door, for some time, munching away. James, Moe and Saffie came in for a while, but James and Moe soon became impatient, not having complete faith in Anto’s motives. Saffie however, stayed by Anto and so witnessed him standing up, looking around to make sure no one was looking, then walking out of that Haven Of Evil, bringing with him a Burger King chair! I must at this point emphasise the danger facing Anto before the completion of his task. It was indeed so dangerous that for anyone less skilled than a completely sober and alert Anto, it would have been stupid to attempt. He now had to carry a chair over his shoulder, from the center of town, all the way to Saffie’s house, down a number of main roads. Moe and James were in fact so completely taken back by the sheer audacity of this plan that they demanded Saffies keys so that they could go ahead to her house and be clearly separated from this noble act of conquest. And so Anto walked with Saffie, in a peaceful daze, not noticing the van that stopped on the opposite side of the road, out of which several guards emerged and walked off on their beats, and yet managing to skilfully avoid them.

It was not until they had almost reached Saffie’s house that they, Saffie in a black coat, Anto in his black jeans and black hoodie, were stoped by the guards. “Were’d you steel that chair from lads?” The guard bluntly enquired. Anto had to think quickly, yes he was drunk, yes he was wearing all black and carrying stolen property over his shoulder but this still didn’t have to end badly. He put the chair down and leaned on it, as if to establish his ownership. “Found it on Wellington Road.” He declared, quick-wittedly. Saffie, who was sober enough to recall that they were walking from towards town in the direction of Wellington Road, discretely nudged Anto with the toe of her New Rocks. “No, you found it in Baggot Street, remember Anto?” “Oh yeah! Found it on Baggot Street.” Anto exclaimed. “Ah right.” The cop muttered, “And where are you taking it?” She asked. Anto thought long and hard about this one, he wasn’t prepared to slip up a second time. “Pearse Street station.” He announced, and he announced it so convincingly that the guards didn’t even bring up the fact that, once again, that was in the direction opposite to the one in which they were traveling. “All right lads, names and addresses please.” She requested. Anto however didn’t think it would be appropriate to give his details to some one so far removed from his age bracket and so cunningly gave Saffie’s second name instead of his own. He then used an address that he concocted by removing the word ‘lane’ from Saffie’s address and substituting it with the word ‘road’, while leaving all other details intact. The guard was completely fooled, to her Anto was the picture of charmingly innocent sobriety and the Garda car drove on.

Anto was triumphant! The capitalist giants had been dealt yet another crippling blow by the underdog! Though the night seemed still as Anto and Saffie walked through he dim orange light of the street lamps, somewhere a faceless corporate suite was cursing the day they were born.